"I am nobody's son.”

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N I K O L A I

I run my hand through my hair staring at the photo attached with the mail.

Mama and me while her face all scratched up but mine? Untouched. My smile? Genuine. The feeling? Love.

But now? I'm all hollow and empty. Devoid of any emotions, any feelings.

Just deep dark emptiness and it is slowly swallowing me.

Every second.

Every minute.

Every hour.

Every day.

I'm dying.

I blink a few times, as I feel my eyes turn moist. No, I cannot cry.

Nikolai Svetlana Ivanov never cries.

Never did.

Never will.

I go back to working on my laptop but there is an unsettling feeling in my chest.

Something so unfamiliar yet so familiar.

A pain I've experienced before but feels like I might feel it again.

Déjá vu.

I shake my head, chug down two shots of coffee but the gnawing feeling in my chest? It won't just go away and my mind just drifts back to one person. Not Alex, not Tyotya Yuliya, but Rhea and everytime I get this type of a feeling?

Things don't end well. Didn't end well with mama, not with anyone I've ever had this feeling with and it is scaring me.

Yes, I do not get scared but this? This is something I've experienced time and again and at this point? I'm so used to it.

The pain. The desperation. The backstabbing.

Everything is still fresh in my mind like it happened yesterday, so clear, so vivid. Each and everything that I went through.

I keep trying to work but nothing works. Not the coffee, not the pile of files that I have to sign or the thousands of unread e-mails, nothing. My mind is not at ease and it's fucking up everything in literal sense.

I blow out a breath and walk out of my office and everyone stops dead in their tracks and bow as I walk past them albeit I nod as Remo follows me.

“Get the things done. I need more details on Evara and Everly Carson, especially Everly.” I pause, stop and give him a side glance, “Use any means but I need her information, clear?”

“Yes sir.” He nods at the same time as he scribbles something on his iPad. With a final glance, I walk out.

I get into the car and the engine roars to life, cutting through the busy streets of Russia. I park my car in the underground parking lot and I don't like it when my driver touches my car.

My collection includes over fifty plus cars ranging from basic Porsche to as luxurious as Rolls Royce, I have plenty to pick my poison from.

I get into the elevator while tapping my foot against the ground as I'm becoming restless and something feels off, very off.

I shove the thought aside and enter the house but it's eerily quiet. No, had Rhea not been here, had I not been married to a chatterbox disguised as a human? This silence wouldn't have stung but now that I am a married man?

This silence stings more than anything.

“Zvezda?” The nickname rolls off easily from my tongue as yell from downstairs, walking towards the living room. It's unsettling that not even Tyotya Yuliya greeted me.

I was about to take a seat when my eyes land on the centre table kept in the living room, the ashtray is kept on the extreme right end which is near the sofa and I do not smoke and Alex isn't present here to do so.

I look around the entire room, scanning each and every inch and my gaze lands on the cigar butt that is dropped near the one of sofas kept in the room. I bend down to pick it up and I examine it, given the way it's cold. Someone used it over an hour or two ago but who?

I check the backside of it and a cold fury passes through me as I see the symbol on it.

D.I.

“Samantha? Mikhail? Alexie?” I shout at the top of my lungs and within five seconds the entire staff is in front of me while Aunt Yuliya saunters lazily as if she has all the time in this world. I glare at her which she chooses to ignore.

I glare at them while holding the cigar butt high, “You have five seconds otherwise find your fucking selves a new goddamn job. Five…four…three…-”

“No one will answer him.”

I glare at Aunt Yuliya and she's done it. I take a step closer to her, cold, measured without breaking eye contact and she flinches.

Good.

“What did you say, Tyotya? Care to repeat that?” I snarl.

“I-i said i-” she stops abruptly, looking down at my feet while I keep my eyes locked with her.

“I asked you something, Yuliya!” I growl and everyone present in the room visibly flinches at my tone because I never used it with her.

“Sorry.” She whispers.

“What? Look at me when I'm talking to you.” I say venomously and she locks her eyes with me, all the previous flamboyance gone.

“Sorry.” She whispers again and I cut her off, “And who are you sorry to?”

“You-”

“And who am I?”

She stares at me like she's seen a ghost but I do not care.

“Y-young master.” She whispers.

“Better remember that next time you decide to run this mouth when not required.” I finish and face the other staff members, “Now, who's gonna tell me what the fuck happened here while I was fucking gone and where the fuck is my wife?” I blast and everyone is literally shaking in their boots, but someone in particular catches my eyes.

“Mara, come out.” I mutter, still glaring at them all and she nervously comes out, nearly on the verge of passing out, “Truth and if you choose to lie?” I lock my eyes with her husband, Mikhail, “He will pay.” I whisper coldly.

Her eyes widens and she frantically shakes her head, “N-no sir, I will tell you everything.”

I nod as she starts, “Mrs Ivanov had earlier gone to grocery shopping with Ms. Yuliya and while she was gone-” she swallows before continuing, “H-he came.”

“Who?” My tone is cold and detached.

She looks at me with just pure fear in her eyes, “Y-your father, sir.” She whispers and my blood boils and teaches a whole new level, so, no wonder Aunt Yuliya was acting like this.

“What did he do?”

“Mrs Ivanov was practically seething with rage and h-he umm- he- he-” she whispers while crying making me more angry.

“Just fucking say it, damn it!” I roar.

“He touched her and dragged her towards your bedroom and Ms. Yuliya gave us strict orders not to open the door.” She falls on her knees and starts crying and her husband is by her side in an instant but me?

My entire world freezes. It feels as if someone has ripped my heart out of my chest, raw and bare leaving me alone to bleed and die while the vultures feed on my heart and I just watch.

Without wasting another second I grab Aunt Yuliya by her neck and slam her against the wall.

“If something happens to my fucking wife, Yuliya? I'll make sure the things you see would be worse than hell and you'll live through every damn second of it.”

I toss her aside as she gasps for air and I run up the stairs towards my bedroom and kick the door open but freeze dead in my tracks as I see her on our bed, covered in her own blood which has circled around her hair like it's a fucking crown and her dress? It's torn from her shoulders and the entire room is a mess.

I quickly walk towards her and pick her up in bridal style and descend down the stairs while muttering, “You'll be fine, Zvezda. You can't leave me. Not now. Not ever. We didn't even celebrate our anniversary yet.”

I get into the car's backseat with Rhea on my lap, her beautiful eyes shut and her entire face is covered in blood. I cradle her.

“DRIVE FUCKING FAST! BREAK ALL THE LIGHTS AND RULES! JUST FUCKING DRIVE!” I shout at the driver who nods and increases the car's speed.

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I rush out of the car with Rhea’s limp body in my hand and everyone clears the path immediately because no one wants to fucking directly go into the morgue of City Hospital.

“Emergency! Fucking save my wife!” I yell as a few nurses come and take her away from me on the stretcher while I'm left standing there.

My shirt is now all red, dripping with her blood, my wife's blood.

My wife. The woman I failed to protect time and again. I punch the wall and scream as my phone rings. I answer it without looking at the name.

“Got my gift, son? She was too good. Her chubby body? I'll do it again and let me spoil a little fun for you, Yuliya didn't stop anyone.”

I clench my fist as blood drips down my knuckles and smash it against the wall. I look over only to find Yuliya, my guards with a few other staff and hospital members coming towards me.

Within a blink of an eye, I am at her again, my hand wrapped and pressed tightly around her throat, cutting off her air supply, slamming her against the wall. The staff does not interrupt after they see the look in my eyes.

I speak through gritted teeth, “You better pray that my fucking wife bloody well opens her eyes and wakes up, Yuliya or else I'll make sure that the number of hours she spends in this bloody hospital?”

“That'll be the number of days you'll live and re-live her pain. You will beg for death but that'll be something you will not get. You will beg me to let you go but I will drag you back and start from the very beginning.”

“I will spend the rest of my fucking life giving you the pain, the torture that my wife, my Rhea lived and mind you, Yuliya. I do not mess when it comes to her and you know it better than anyone present here, so you better fucking start counting you days. Your life? It's fucking mine to play with and I will relish every second of it.”

“You thought Dimitri Ivanov is a fucking sadist? Wrong, I'll show you what sadism looks like and what it is to mess with Nikolai Svetlana Ivanov.”

I let go of her throat, leaving my hand’s impression around her pale skin and look at my men as they drag her away while she screams and begs for mercy which fall deaf on my ears.

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I keep pacing like a madman. It's been eight fucking hours since she's in the intensive care unit or the I-fucking-C-U which during this time feels like a mockery.

An insult. A cruel reminder of what I failed to protect, yet again.

My head snaps up as I see the doctor walking towards me.

“How is she? Is she okay? Can I see her? What happened to her? Do we need blood or anything? Take mine, I'm fucking 6’3, I am sure that I have plenty-”

“Sir! Please.”

I pause and nod, “Tell me.”

“She lost a lot of blood and there was clot in the brain, small one which we removed surgically but-”

I take a step closer to him, my voice dropping many octaves lower, “But what, Doctor? You fail to protect my wife? This hospital will lose one of its best doctors because he's useless that way.”

He gulps and nods, “The surgery was a success but because the impact was on the head? We're not sure when she'll wake up and if she'll remember anything at all.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I growl.

“What we mean is that, she can wake up at anytime, either this very second or maybe a week, a month, a year? Maybe 10 years? And her memories? We're not sure-”

He gasps for air as I choke him, lifting him off the ground, “You fucking save my wife. I don't care about the money, the equipments? You name it, you fucking get it but save her. Nod if you understand.”

He nods meekly and I let go of him. Taking a seat near the waiting area, I sit there for god knows how many hours. I flinch as I feel a hand on my shoulder, only to find her staring at me with her dreamy eyes.

Mom.

“Mama.” I whisper.

“Malysh.” She croons, caressing my cheeks lovingly, “What happened? Why is my baby getting so worked up? Hmm?”

“She- Rh-rhea, mama.” I choke on my own words, “She's there and the doctors are saying that she might forget me, mama, that she won't wake-”

“Shh..” she smiles softly, still caressing my cheeks and now she takes my hand in her hands and presses them against my chest.

“What do you hear, Malysh?”

“My heartbeat.”

“And it's beating for?”

I raise my eyebrow, “Myself or else I'll die.”

She laughs softly before shaking her head, “It always did but earlier it was just that you were surviving but now? Now you're living, Malysh and it is because of her.”

“Her.”

We both say at the same time and she smiles, making me smile too.

“Now, close your eyes and feel it, your heart beating for your wife.”

I nod and close my eyes as I hear my eyes.

“Mr Ivanov?” I open my eyes in a flash as I see the doctor in front of me, I look around and I'm alone, Mama isn't there. Shaking my head, I stand up.

“Yes?”

“Mrs. Ivanov is up. You can see her now”.

I rush towards the room without waiting for him to finish his sentence. I enter the room softly as I find her lying on the bed in the hospital gown, looking too soft, too untouched, too fragile, breakable even.

I slowly walk towards her and sit on the stool kept there and slowly take her hand in mine, with a weak smile, I mutter,

“You scared me, Zvezda. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when this happened.”

She blinks and then looks around, probably still reeling from the injury and the impact.

“Hey hey hey, it's okay, take it easy.”

She stares at me like I'm some ghost, maybe she's angry? I know she is, who wouldn't be?

Please, I know you're mad at me but please.” I pause, “I've never begged anyone in my life but please, if that is what you want, I will.”

“Talk to me, Rhea. Talk to me baby, please.”

“Please say something. Anything.”

And when she does? It was like my heart was ripped out all over again, raw and bare.

“Who are you?”

My wife doesn't remember me.

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